50 Self-care ideas for busy parents

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Self-care, self-nurturing, self-love, self-development… I could go on. Point is, there are many terms for looking after yourself. And it can get overwhelming.

Sometimes knowing what to do for your self-care is half the battle. In this post, I’ve compiled a varied list of over 50 self-care ideas for busy parents to choose from. The ideas cover different aspects of self-care, so depending on where you’re at, I’m hoping at least one might spark for you.

And all you need is one to try. Remember, overwhelm is what we’re trying to get away from.

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Disclaimer; I’m not a doctor or medical professional. The words in this post are only my thoughts and opinions and if you choose to act on any suggestions those are your own decisions and responsibility.

What is real self-care all about?

Before we jump into the ideas I want to be clear about what I mean when talking about self-care.

The meaning of self-care in these turbulent times has morphed to sell us more products. Unfortunately, this can take us further away from our original intention to look after our wellbeing.

I’m wary about consumer self-care, mostly because of the driving concept behind it; the idea that what we already are and have isn’t enough. The idea that self-care is about making a more ‘perfect’ you. Blurrggh.

Well I already know I’m not perfect, and have no intention of striving to be such.

Renée Peterson Trudeau, a specialist and author on self-care, defines real self-care as:

attuning and responding to your needs and desires moment to moment

So, the self-care I’m interested in is not really about changing yourself. It’s about giving to yourself the support to help you deal with where you currently are, and only tools that serve that.

Therefore, I’ve focused on making this list of self-care ideas for busy parents to help us get better at listening to what our foundational needs are. I’m interested in cultivating a mind-space that helps me stay IN and CONNECTED to the present, rather than escaping it.

Are there different aspects of self-care?

Humans are multifaceted. So it’s only natural that our self care will be multifaceted.

Depending on which expert you ask, there could be between five to nine (or more) different categories that fall under self-care. So what I’ve listed below is a blend of areas from my research.

There is definitely crossover and many activities can be effective for other catergories too, for example, going for a brisk walk out in the elements, and getting your heart pumping can do wonders to shift your headspace or mood. Therefore affecting you physically, mentally, and emotionally. Three for the price of one!

Here are the categories of self-care I’ve focused on:

• Physical self-care
• Mental self-care
• Emotional self-care
• Social & relationship self-care
• Responsible adult self-care

Before diving into these self-care ideas for busy parents, I have one caveat: If you’re just starting out on a self-care journey, look for one thing you can do for yourself. You don’t need to overwhelm yourself and feel like you have to be able to tick off an activity from each area.

In between the sections of ideas I’ve included further thoughts on how I break down the importance of self-care for busy parents, and how to find time to fit these activities into your week.

Ideas for Physical self-care

I’m talking about movement or exercise to feel present in your body; a relaxing massage or warm bath to release unwanted tension; feeding your body nutritious & delicious foods.

Additionally, physical activity can shift you emotionally or mentally. We hold tension from life in our bodies. So, carrying this awareness into any physical self-care activity will work on that level too.

1. Movement
   • Dance to your favourite tune in the morning to start the day with some happy endorphins.
   • 20 minutes of yoga or stretches. FitOn is my favourite FREE fitness app, especially the yoga sessions.
   • Try a new fitness class.
   • A brisk walk to get the heart rate up.
2. Get on a foam roller
3. Sleep. It’s a personal and sensitive topic for parents. Of course, we need sleep (women’s brains actually need more sleep). So, as it’s usually broken through the night I focus on what I can to make that shut-eye better quality.
4. Develop a wind-down evening routine
   • Pre bed Brain dump into a journal – expressing onto a page that no one, but you, will ever see, to clear out any thoughts, worries, to-dos that keep you awake.
   • Warm shower or bath – This actually helps the body’s core temperature cool down, which in turn helps you fall asleep faster.
   • Dim lights – to signal to your brain to start producing melatonin (the sleep hormone)
   • 5 minutes of meditation – to lower your cortisol and calm your mind
5. Nutritious Food. The food we eat affects our mood
6. Body kindness practice – compliment yourself every day, listen to Body Positive podcasts, hug yourself. I’m mid-forties now and I still struggle with body acceptance. I’m thrilled that this conversation is happening though. My teenage years would have been a lot happier.
7. Breathwork – a powerful and simple way to shift from being in your head to your body.

How do you find time for self-care when you’re a busy parent?

How do we really find time for self care, without it feeling like another thing on our TO DO list?

Maybe a good place to start is about adjusting our understanding of self-care means. Instead of just ‘a bubble bath‘, it could be ‘the ongoing practice of connection with yourself, your breath, your body.‘

Secondly, don’t we deserve nurturing moments too? Prioritise that need in your mind and make an action plan, then schedule some activities for yourself.

If finding time is difficult, you can use an incremental approach. Self-care ideas for busy parents don’t need to take a lot of time. 5 – 10 minutes a day can add up to over an hour of you-time in a week. Find small practical intentional practices to weave into your week.

Related post:How to self-care for mothers and why it’s important

There are also ways to do self-care WITH your kids. Not all of us have grandparents handy to ship them off to, or there’s a lockdown happening. But we’re parents, we’ve learned to be strategic on many levels. We can adapt, and if the only option is to make kid time, also parent time, we got this. So I’ve included a section below with some ideas for involving kids with your self-care.

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Ideas for mental self-care

For the purposes of suggesting some mental self-care ideas for busy parents, I define it as: taking care of / decluttering your mind; self development; learning new things; giving your brain a break from stressful thoughts.

1. Meditation – I do five minutes of meditation once the children are asleep. I find it’s a simple shift from Mummy-time to Me-time.
2. Discover the mindful art of making and drinking a cup of tea. And not doing anything else.
3. Practicing re-framing negative thoughts to deal with anxiety triggering situations
4. Watering indoor plants or garden. A friend reminded me that plants we care for daily require us to be present, to see what they need and look outside of ourselves.
5. Create a calm space in your house. If it’s too hard to keep the house tidy, or even a room, why not focus on creating just a corner of calm.
6. Read a book for 10 mins a day. Sitting down and listening to a book isn’t the same because you can do other things. But reading means you can’t be doing anything else.
7. Adult Colouring to relax your brain – it’s not for everyone, but focusing on a low-pressure creative task can distract from stressful thoughts.
8. Gratitude lists.
9. Intentional listening to podcasts, books, or music. Instead of mindlessly letting whatever is in your news feed play, why not select a podcast on a topic that you want to know more about. One of my favourite podcasts at the moment is The Most of it – Kiwi actress Antonia Prebble asks the big question “How do we make the most of this thing called life?” to many extraordinary people.
10. Learn something new – knitting, sewing, editing, car mechanics, your family history. Just because you’re a parent doesn’t mean the world has to stop being your oyster.

Why is self-care so important for parents?

Taking care of ourselves as parents, as well as our little darlings, helps us regulate our own emotions and reactions. And modelling the behaviour you want to see in your child can be one of the strongest parenting tools we have.

I know this from my own experience. Both from when I have ignored my own needs at my peril, and from the benefit of when I’ve made the time or space to deal with my own stress.

From day zero our children have been closely intertwined with us and our moods, reading every clue from our faces and bodies. Feelings are infectious. When we’re stressed our kids pick up on that too.

But luckily, this is also true for when we’re relaxed, calm, joyful. They can tap into our well, or cup. So, it’s in our best interests to keep our cup full, so they can drink from our sea of calm too.

Self-care fill us up and reminds us of who else we are. We can find our patience when our perspective of ourselves is expanded.

Ideas for emotional self-care

Some of us find emotions hard. Especially the dark or uncomfortable ones. We can be very good at hiding them away and ignoring them.

As an actor, I spend a lot of time considering and delving into my emotional life. I see emotions as an energy that passes through us. We are not our emotions, but we have to let them pass through and deal with them if we don’t want our emotions to build up and overwhelm us.

1. Moments of meditation where you focus and breath and how you feel. It’s a matter of just sitting with whatever comes up and let it pass. It trains you to not get caught in the emotion of the moment. This has been a very useful skill for me as a parent when life gets stressful.
2. Journalling for 5 to 10 minutes – This can help grow awareness of what triggers you as a parent. There are whole corners of the internet dedicated to ‘How to journal’. The best part is there is scientific evidence that it’s good for you (and how to do it)
3. Self-compassion break.
4. Reframing thoughts – It’s easy to get stuck in our heads and letting anxiety take over. Sometimes we can breathe better by looking at things from a more helpful perspective.
5. Physical activity can also help your emotional state, release endorphins and serotonin which in turn can reduce our stress hormones.
6. Tapping for Emotional healing or Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)
7. Self cuddles – our bodies crave touch and Self Hugging can give us that oxytocin boost and increase our self-compassion.
8. Breathwork guided meditations to bring awareness to feelings in your body and get you out of your head.

Self care ideas for your social and personal relationships

Being part of the tribe is essential to our survival. The fear of being expelled is why we get stage-fright. Humans need each other and we’re better for it. We get lots of good things like oxytocin, dopamine, endorphins from interactions, and feeling connected.

So this section is suggestions to do with nurturing and growing healthy relationships in order to feel connected with society or culture.

1. Friend dates – This can be such a challenge for busy parents, and it seems like the hurdles to climb over, just to spend 1 hour with a friend are endless. So get creative with how you can fit this in. Can you do 20-minute speed dates? Can you meet in groups?
2. Go with a friend to see some sort of cultural art event, theatre show, music gig, even a movie.
3. Walk & Talk (even in the rain)
4. Listen to new music – share with a friend a new artist you’ve discovered while you catch up.
5. Regular Date night with your nearest and dearest. Even if the budget is tight, or restaurants are closed, you can get creative. Cook a special meal; turn the TV off and talk to each other the way you did before you had kids.
6. No pressure cuddles – long comforting cuddles, especially when you’re busy, can be so grounding and relaxing.
7. Watch TED talk with Esther Perel to being to understand how to rekindle desire in a long-term relationship
8. Social media detox – give yourself a break now and then from comparing or numbing or distracting your brain. Just delete FB from your phone for a day if that’s all you can bear. You’ll notice how much you want to reach for it. Constantly.
9. Checkout Chats – Turns out small chats with strangers make us happy

Responsible adult self-care (the stuff we avoid)

In all honesty, I’ve created this catergory for myself. Maybe it will resonate for you too. It’s my way of drawing attention to getting the things done that I don’t really want to spend my time doing. Even though I know I will feel SO MUCH BETTER once they are done, and I can relax.

It’s kind of like decluttering my mind and heart.

1. Do the hard thing or what you’ve been avoiding on your To-Do list. Or break it down into smaller tasks and spread those steps over the week.
2. List three jobs nagging at you, but you never seem to have time for. Schedule them in. The joy of crossing things off a list has become addictive for me.
3. Any doctor appointments or health check-ups you need to attend to? Book them in.
4. Can you make better food choices for longterm physical and mental health. Are there any small adjustments that you can make? Find some new recipes to get you excited – I’m enjoying Easy Peasy Foodie at the moment.
5. Do a financial check-up. Are you spending consciously? Create a family budget to make sure you’re living within your means and help with any emotional impulse buys. For the first time in years, we’ve booked a week away in summer (yes, we live in New Zealand) that we’re saving up for over the year. So far it’s working as great motivation.
6. Are there any friendships/relationships that need attention or boundary setting, or that you need to let go of the mind chatter from? Brainstorm what you can do to address these worries. Or take a deep breath and force yourself to see the situation from their point of view.

Self-care ideas to do with your kids (or when the babysitter cancels last minute)

1. Tidy up time before dinner with the children. Since doing this more regularly, I’ve noticed as the craft supplies and toys take over the floor during the day I’m less stressed and resentful. Because I know there will be a dedicated 20 minutes at the end of the day when we will all muck in and tidy.
2. Teaching kids meditation or yoga moves
   • 3 simple ways to guide children in meditation (Deepak Chopra)
   • Cosmic Kids Yoga – YouTube channel dedicated to teaching kids meditation, mindfulness and relaxation in the most fun and creative ways. They also have an app with a free two week trial.
   • Library of guided meditation scripts to read to your kids (free with email sign-up)
3. Watering the garden and indoor plants. We all know how much kids love water-play
4. Create an album of bliss – We make simple photo album books with the girls as they grow. They each get to choose two or three pics of them in the last month to go in the book. When it’s full, we print. It’s great to be part of their awareness and perspective that they change and learn things. Plus, for me reflecting on how fast it all flies by.
5. Modeling and teaching self-compassion – I say it out loud in front of my kids “I’m feeling stressed, but it’s okay Marion, you’re doing your best”. And Wow. The girls are being more compassionate to me and each other. Sometimes.
6. Colouring with your kids
7. Drawing a picture with your kids – One of our favourite YouTube channels; Art for Kids Hub
8. Play Nail Salons. Rather than beautification for others, frame it as a little surprise every time you take your socks off. For you.
9. Climbing trees. Read my related post!
10. Go on a JOY hunt. Spend 5 minutes with your children going around the house or a short walk listing all the things you see that fill you with joy . It’s vocal gratitude list, so the more you do it, the more you train your brain to seek out the positive side.

Final thoughts on self-care suggestions

This post has been quite hard to write. I don’t like being given ‘Advice’ as a parent. I don’t know many who do, unless asked for. So this isn’t my intention.

I’m also worried that I’ll sound like I’ve got this self-care routine down. Far from it. I’m learning (the hard way) that neglecting looking after myself and my needs is only going to make life harder in the long term.

And possibly having my kids resent me as they grow up because I didn’t nurture myself as a human and have no other interests.

But at the same time, I’ve also really enjoyed collecting and writing about self-care ideas for busy parents. I’ve learned so much about myself, especially how connected my self-care is to my being a kind and nurturing parent. And I’ve noticed my girls’ awareness of the importance to take time out too. Dare I say it, but I think creating this post, has left me feeling happier.