How to self-care for mothers & why it’s important

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As parents, especially mothers, it’s easy to forget about our needs. We’re busy! We don’t have time for self-care for mothers and time to look after our kids, right?

However, what I’m learning more and more is that in order to be the best mother I can be, I have to figure out how to fit in self-care and space for my needs as well.

Feeling guilty about looking after yourself as a parent is wasted energy. We are our children’s oxygen masks. No one wants a faulty one when the emergency hits. So, regular safety and maintenance checks are necessary.

Okay, it’s not beneficial to compare ourselves and our bodies to machinery or equipment. But the point I’m making is that we don’t have to justify WHY we should service our vehicles regularly. We just do it. Because we know they’ll break down otherwise.

The first step is to prioritise time for your self-care and make it non-negotiable.

However, I certainly don’t have time to escape for a spa day (who does?!) Besides, I prefer a self-care routine that is quick, realistic, adaptable, and creates a present mindset, rather than a need to escape. No pampering required.

Disclaimer; I’m not a doctor or medical professional. The words in this post are only my thoughts and opinions and if you choose to act on any suggestions those are your own decisions and responsibility.

Why self-care for mothers should be non-negotiable.

I think we can all agree that motherhood is a transformative experience. We change who we are when we become mothers, even on a genetic level. Our bodies grew these beings and occasionally, this means that we can also lose ourselves in the demands of motherhood.

We are hardwired to protect these helpless bundles of adorableness. We will do anything for them, including forgoing our own immediate needs in order to keep them safe.

However, what ‘safe’ means in modern-day life has changed significantly since our cave-dwelling ancestors and this protective instinct last evolved. It’s easy for sleep-deprived parents to grow obsessed with helping our babies avoid the slightest discomfort. We can easily get into a state of not wanting to take our eyes off them.

But at some point the sleep deprivation starts to melt our brain, the piles of clean and dirty laundry begin to merge and we begin to feel like a ghost to what we once were.

There are many reasons why self-care for anyone is necessary for overall well-being, but I would say the single most important reason why self-care for a mother is so vital, is to remember that she exists.

Self care can help us to feel connected to what makes us whole as a person; switches us on and makes us feel alive, inspired and valued.

Realising that you need to prioritse yourself some time is one thing. Negotiating and finding support to make that happen with your partner or possibly family is another juggle.

What does REAL self-care for mothers actually look like?

We’re all different, and therefore our needs for self-care will be different. If it’s soaking in warm bubbles surrounded by candles, then great.

Although, sometimes what we truly need is to deal with the hard things that keep nagging away at us from our To-Do list. Imagine how much better you will fall asleep without that last thought being “I HAVE to get onto my taxes!!”

I’m interested in self-care that can help us stay IN the moment, rather than escape it.

There’s a lot of chaos in my house and life. I look for ways to enhance my ability to stay calm in a storm, or get comfortable in the discomfort. And because of the co-option from the Wellness industry of the word, I’m starting to call it self-reliance, or self-connection, more often.

True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake, it is making the choice to build a life you don’t need to regularly escape from.
– Brianna Wiest

Whatever activity you choose, self-care is about the space it provides you to focus on yourself; on your thoughts, on any inner stress and tensions. Giving those some attention instead of your little humans all the attention.

What area of self-nurturing do you need to focus on? Is it physical, mental, emotional, relationships or spiritual? There are some amazing resources out there that cover different areas of self-care.

Once you hone into what your needs are, your self-care doesn’t always need a lot of time when you’re busy. But we want it to have the desired effect; to make us feel whole, alive, relaxed, and remind us that there are other parts to us.

Spending intentional time by yourself can help you be more present. As parents, we spend so much time planning the next activity or day in our heads so that it all goes smoothly. It’s a difficult habit to break and sometimes it can be hard to see the joy unfolding right in front of us.

Related Post: How to make parenting more fun

How creating goals for your self-care routine can maximize the impact

Parents love a bargain. So if we can feel more grounded and like ourselves by only investing 5 to 10 minutes in ourselves once a day, then we’ll take it. And if we have managed to define what specific needs we have or our self-care, then it’s easy to be intentional about those goals for our moments of me-time.

As with any goals in life, they will change as you grow. For a new mum with a tiny infant, the goal of some time to herself might be to make sure she:

• feels rested
• is fed
• is prepared, and calm enough to face the day with her tiny human.

So this might mean waking up 15 or so minutes before getting her baby up to make sure she has breakfast and gets dressed. Or some help from her partner or family to create that uninterrupted space for her.

Sure, that doesn’t sound like a deep, profound reconnection to who she is and where she’s going in life. However, it does remind her, at that point of her motherhood, that she has needs too, and they deserve to be met.

I’m now 7 years and counting into my motherhood journey, and my personal needs have adapted as much as my parenting strategies. For example, here’s what I need from my Me Time:

How I break down my self-care needs and solutions:

NEED	WHY IS THIS IMPORTANT	SOLUTION
To feel grounded and connected to my breath	I’m better at dealing with my kids’ demands and whinges if can feel solid in my own headspace.	Movement Yoga 15-minute walk around the block
Being a responsible adult	taking care of life admin, like doing taxes on time, getting regular health check-ups. Instead of running away from stressful things, taking a big breath and dealing with that nagging task you’ve been avoiding.	Scheduling in time to assess and work on life admin regularly
Feeling well rested	When things get stressful, I don’t feel so frazzled and can keep calm easier.	Making sure I get enough sleep, exercise and eat well.
Feeling connected	We are social creatures and all need to feel part of the tribe. It’s a survival instinct.	Catching up with friends Cuddles Old fashioned phone calls
Feeling inspired	Parenting is hard and can grind us down. Seeking new experiences and inspiration can help our minds and hearts also stay open to new possibilities within ourselves.	Developing new skills or learning about inspiring people, Experiencing art, theatre, music events
Combating feelings of resentment	When you spend all your time giving, resentment can build and harm yourself, your bond, and your child.	Reflection through meditation or journaling Gratitude lists

Related Post: 50 Self-care ideas for busy parents

Beware the downsides of a self-care obsession

If you’re going to put wasted energy into feeling guilty about taking time for yourself, you’re missing the point of self-care. Taking a few moments to do whatever you need for yourself to feel human, will make you a better parent.

From a self-reformed guilt-ridden martyr, I suggest you claim that time.

Claim it.

Secondly, it’s easy to get overwhelmed by all the self-care options. Instead, just do one thing a day for a week and track how you feel. The last thing you need is to feel like it’s a chore added to your already impossible To Do list.

Lastly, don’t fall into the trap that you need to spend extra money on lavish massages or shopping sprees. Tuning into yourself is a good place to start. For some of us, just sitting with our thoughts is a hard thing to do, but sometimes, it’s just what we need. Listening and acknowledging without judgment.

Quick self-care ideas for busy mothers to get you started on your routine

If you don’t currently have some set aside YOU TIME, but feel like it would help, here’s a list of some quick activities to get you started. Just choose one, and go do it.

Related Post: 50 Self-care ideas for busy parents

In summary on how to fit in some self-nurturing time:

1. Prioritise time for yourself.
2. What area of YOU do you need to focus on?
3. What are your self-care goals?
4. Start small, with intention, and schedule it in.

Final thoughts about taking some time for your self

This post has been one of the hardest for me to write. I’m worried that I’ll sound like I’ve got this self-care for mothers routine down. Or that I think it’s easy to find the time when we’re under so much pressure. Far from it. I know it’s hard and I think I will always struggle with finding time.

Since researching for this post, I’ve made myself a schedule. It’s lofty. I’ve crossed out a lot of activities when I’ve found it unrealistic. But I have managed to do something each day. And I know I’m better for it.

I’m learning (the hard way) that neglecting looking after myself and my needs is only going to make life harder in the long term. When I do manage to regularly make some time for myself I’ve noticed a significant shift in my ability to ride the stormy seas of parenting.

There’s less yelling, calmer reactions, more patience in me. And I even start to feel, just a little bit, like I know what I’m doing.

My plan is to build more quick moments of self-care into my days, so this post is a reminder of why it’s important. Hopefully, you’ll get some benefits and ideas too.

And possibly I’ll model for my two girls that taking time for myself will show them they don’t have to be all things to everyone, either.